Raporteerin. Checking in.

Et põle surd ega oma nahka maha müünud. Täitsa elus. Lihtsalt kontsentreerisin mõtteid. Ei lasnud vahepeal midagi välja, mul läks neid endal vaja.
So, if you though I had died or become a lifeless city official or something, I haven´t. I concentrated my thoughts and did not let a drop leak through cause I needed them myself.
Kas mäletate veel kui ma hõiskasin, et proovin lugu kirjutada?....Ärge valetage, tutkit te mäletate. See oli üle poole aasta tagasi.
Can you recall me shouting out here that I am trying to write a story?...Ehh don´t lie, of course you don´t. It was more than a year and a half ago.
Igastahes, see oligi rohkem tolle tunde kogemise pärast, et mõtled välja tegelased ja keskkonna ja paned asju juhtuma. See on umbes nagu üle keha mudamask mis pärast maha pestakse. Vähemalt tean, "kuda on".
It was more about getting into that emotion anyway, just to see how it feels when you are the lord of your own made up world. Just to try and see how it feels, like making a full body mud mask that washes off later on.
Aga sellegipoolest.... midagi kuskil tiksub ja susiseb. Harjumuseks on saanud igasugu piikesi sünopsiseid üles tähendada, see on fun. Ideed, ideed! (ei, ma ei ole tegelenud transtentr...taalse meditatsiooniga või kuidas iganes Lynch seda kutsus.....või äkki olen enda teadmata? Raske uskuda...
Something is still ticking and boiling in the back of my head and I seem to be swirming with different ideas and every now and then a new little short synopsis finds its way into my idea files. ....wait, whats this with ideas, I have not been engaged in the transwahtever medicati... whatever Lynch called it. Or have I? Heck how do I know.
Ühe päris vahva tegelase mõtlesin küll välja. Sellise umbes nagu võiks mangadest või multikatest leida. Võibolla ma olen liiga palju animet vaadanud viimasel ajal.... Kuigi see tegelane lähtus rohkem mu enda interneti alter egost - mulle lihtsalt koitis, et kui see alter ego loob nii tugeva imago inimeste silmis, siis miks mitte seda ära kasutada. Ei pea ju kaugemalt otsima, kui inspiratsioon on otse nina all. Ma olen üsna palju visandanud ka.... kõigist tegelastest on mõni kritseldus. Mu aju on hoopis teistmoodi tööle hakanud, kõiki mõtteid, ka muudes asjades ja isiklikus loomingus, on lihtsam visualiseerida. Probleem on ainult selles, et ei tea kuhu suunas temaga minna. Erinevaid ideid ja valikuid oleks nii palju. Aga pidage meeles et see kõik on rohkem lõbu pärast, ma püüan ise mitte tõsiselt võtta. see on hea vaheldus teleka vaatamisele, ma vaatan mis juhtub seal väljamõeldud maailmas.
I did think of a rather curious and funky character though, the first one who has some potential. It is sort like the ones in manga or anime. The starting point was actually my own internet alter ego - at some point I just thought people seem to like the image it creates, so why not use that in a character and try to visualize it in words.... I have also been drawing it quite a lot, different poses and movements, jumping, running.... definitely the influence of anime, I know. I am sucked into that "mode". Now it is just the question of which direction to take with her. There are so many possibilities. With my previous attempt to write it was the opposite - I just put down a lot of text and did not really develop the character itself. What anime has taught me, is that it is eaiser to build a story around the character, what it thinks and does and who its connected to. My Brain has started to function differently. It is fun. It is like training.
Ma loodan et selline ajaviide ikka arendab mind. Ainus miinus on see, kui raske on ennast sellest lahti rebida ja teha seda mida olen tegelikult kohustatud tegema. Aga kas ma pean? Tekstiilikunstnike Liitu astumise ettekandes (yup, see sai tehtud) ma ütlesin et vildi tõmme oli tugevam ja sellepärast tegelen nüüd kõige rohkem just sellega. Võibolla peaksin misiganes loomingulistele impulssidele lihtsalt järgi andma ja nendega kaasa minema? Ma olen end liiga palju jaganud ja andnud vähemalt ühe sõrme kümnele erinevale asjale. Mida rohkem ma olen seotud, seda rohkem tahaks ainult ja ainult oma asja ajada ja muud kohustused kõrvale jätta.
I hope these little entertaining things are a benefit to my creativity. The only problem is how hard I find it to tear myself away from it. But why should I? in a recent presentation I said felting was the technique that I gravitated towards the hardest. I was just drawn to it, and it seems it was a good choice. Maybe I should give in to whatever creative things attract me and quit worrying what happens to all the things I have promised myself to. The more I become attached to responsibilities the more rebellious I get against them. I feel like running away from everything and just doing my own thing.

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