esmaspäev, veebruar 26, 2007


Great news.
Minu tänav (Lõime, Põhja - Tallinn) saab miljööväärtuslikuks alaks.
My street, Lõime, north Tallinn, is going to be ...uh, how do I explain it, well, it is going to be protected as a valuable living environment.
Tähendab - rohelus ja meie ilus tammebulvar säilib, maju ei saa vägisi kõrgemaks teha, hoove ei saa täis ehitada, samal ajal on rohkem võimalusi leida toetust nt. majaesise korrastamiseks ja fassaadi remondiks. keegi ei saa värvida oma maja nt triibuliseks.. kujuyta ette suurt kortermaja sebranahavärvides....
It means the greenery (there are sort of like miniature parks in front of every house here) and the oak alley will be preserved, the houses cant be built higher ( there is the thought even in my house, that we could get money for repainting etc by letting some real estate guy build another floor in place of the attick floor, well, they are not allowed to now). Also, no houses can be built in the yard and no one on this street can decide, oh I am gonna paint my house in colours of a zebra or something. imagine a big apartement house in zebra stripes. unthinkable.
Mulle see väga meeldib.
Me likes.

laupäev, veebruar 24, 2007

Valleraa, trallala.

Head Vabariigi 89. aastapäeva, Toomas H kõne on pagana naljakas (Carl Robert Jaakson, tere talv), pluss ta kasutab mingit iddset kõnepruuki.
Happy 89th anniversary of Estonian Republic, president´s speech is damn funny, he confuses improtant names and uses 19th century speaking style.

neljapäev, veebruar 22, 2007

Panen seie ka: Hunteri mälestuseks. In memory of th Good Doc.

20. veebruaril 2005. aastal lasi gonzokirjanik Hunter Thompson oma köögis endal ajud seinale laiali. Tema lese Anita peetavas blogis paluti selle sündmuse mälestuseks süüdata kõigil Hunteri austajatel kodus küünal, kaminatuli või muud pürotehnikat, ja pildistada end koos sellega. Siin see pilt on. Kuradi raske on teha nii, et küünlaleek paistaks pildilt ikka küünlaleegi ja mitte propaaniplahvatusena.

on the 20th of february in 2005 Hunter Thompson, the gonzo writer, blew his brains out. In a blog kept by his widow Anita Hunter´s fans were requested to take pictures of themselves with a candle, fireplace or other pyrotechnics lit in Hunter´s memory. Here is my picture. What a damn struggle it was to make the candllight look like candlelight, not propane explosion.

teisipäev, veebruar 20, 2007

Vidinaid. Trinkets.

veider puuvili...
Strange fruit....

lilli ja tikitud vildimunasid teen ka. kahjuks kõige ilusamaid ei saa näidata sest teen üht tööd eesti märsikonkursile.
flowers and embroidered beads of felt I make too. I can´t show the prettiest ones cause I am making something of them for a competition.

Ma pole Ivan Orav! I am not a national extremist! No tõesti pole! So not!

ähh, valimised.
bah, elections.
Ma tegin mingi testi ja olen täiesti segaduses. Sel olid väga jahmatavad tulemused.
I took some political views test in and I am totally confuzzled. It had very unexpected results.
Tundub, et ma olen marurahvuslane.
Seems like I am a national extremist.
Kusjuures küsimused ei olnud üldse seotud rahvustunde vms. - ga, ainult alkoholipoliitika, majandus, keskkond, tervishoid jne.
Like, the questions did not deal with national pride and all that mess, they only asked about alcohol policy, economy, environment, healthcare, etc.
Iseseisvuspartei! Nagu mida põrgut? Justkui ma oleks mingi hull, kes läheb liputama, ma mõtlen, lippu lehvitama, ja karjub "Elagu Ivan Orav!"
Independence party? Like WHAT IN THE WORLD? As if I was one of those lunatics waving flags and yelling [inside joke, you don´t get it.]
Tegelikult ma kaldun rohkem Roheliste suunas, kui üldse. Põhiolemuselt olen anarhist, st. minu jaoks et manitsustel ja programmidel ja arengukavadel pole mõtet, sest ma tean, et inimesed ei muutu kunagi piisavalt headeks ja keskkonnahoidlikeks ja kaineks ei saa nad ka ilmselt viimsepäevani, eriti eestlased. < Näete - kas marurahvuslane teeks siukest kriitikat?
In fact I am more tilted in the direction of environmental approach, if at all. My core being is anarchist - meaning development planning is b.s. since people will never be decent enough and enivronemntal friendly enough and they will never all be sober, especially estonians. < See, would a national extremist some up with such criticism?
Nii et, pillid kotti, Postimees. Inimese mõtteviisi ei saa ainult valikvastustega testiga paika panna. Asi pole selles, mida me arvame või usume, asi on selles, kuidas me tegelikult elame.
So, Postman, stick with what you know. You cant determine one´s worldview with a multiple choice test. It is not about what we believe or think (like, dah, what idealistic nonsense), it is about how much we are capable of living by what we think and believe.

Ja mulle lihtsalt näib, et vahe praegu räägitava ja tehtava vahel on tragikoomiline. Mis te, narrid üldse siblite? rahunege maha õige.
And it just looks like it would be a fools errand.

esmaspäev, veebruar 12, 2007

need on juba vanad fotod justkui. These photos might be old but

Edwardiga Londonis. In London with Edward.

80ndad jätkub. Keha keel. Body language.

Mingis mõttes.
In a way....

the movies, yes. I know I did promise. But first I gotta say, field trips and accidents. I was a restless child, climbed everywhere, walked on dumpsites and factory territories and stuff. and of course I hurt myself miserably many times. it is just that, one ugly scar in my palm started to get cramped up again so it reminded me of this. That scar must have a midlife crisis I think, it has woken up. I got it at my granduncle´s birthday party, when a glass door fell on me. I barely escaped from being decapitated, but it broke and cut through my hand. 28 stitches.
in the same hand I have two marks from a field trip with my mom´s working place. In the Soviet time every place could be full of dangerous rubbish. A silly three-year-old as I was, I stumbled upon a piece of wood with two rusty nails sticking out of it. they went all the way through my hand. Dog did I scream. I scared everyone half to death. My hand was tied up and healed pretty soon. doctors thought it was no big deal so we got no appointment time from our clinic.
one scar is from a dogbite, in the tip of my middle finger. how ironic....
then there are the usual ones from tetanus and smallpocks and consumption shots. Don´t think now that I am a savage, but I bit the doctor too. and many other people, during getting those shots.
One scar is from falling on a bedcorner when 4, my front teeth went through my lip. It was my grandaunts place who shared the apartmenet with one well known estonian artist. that guy always wore dirty blue overalls and he had a beard
this _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ long
and he borrowed his brush drying rags to stop my bleeding. they had some oil and stuff on them that actually worked really well, better than bandages. I felt I was a painting and he was taking the excess paint off me....
anyway, you can see that scar when I turn my lip inside....

then one is on top of my head, when I was hit with a garden rake by the boy next door. he was a bit mental.... again, I bled awfully, but it didnt hurt much.

then one time was when my aunt had a bloodvessel burst in her head and went crazy and threw a brick at me. she aimed at my face but only scrathced my ear. and then she collapsed and they took her to the hospital and operated immediately. I was in shock for a week, more from what happened to her, than from being thrown with a brick. cause something happened to ME all the time.

Then I fell from apple trees and other trees ( well in the summer at my granny´s) , and now THAT I worried about. cause it ruined at least 7 pairs of pants, I was sometimes scared to go home. was mom mad or what. and there was one time when the pants went to shreds and I was about a mile away from granny´s house almost half naked. I thought I´d have to wait until dark, but my granny came to collect herbs so she went back and brought me a new pair....

I guess the mental scars are the worst...but that talk would be too depressing and it is like from some other person´s life. That just wasnt me.

okey, a little start to the movies section.

one name from the 80ies movies of Estonia is Olav Ehala. a composer. if you can name that, you can bluff your way right into the heart of our cinephiles. and if you can sing an intro from any of his songs from those movies, you´ll have everyone crawling at your feet. (you don´t get them to lick your boots though at any terms, cause they are afraid of germs...hehe, that rhymed. )

thats it for today, I am gonna go clean my apartement now.

pühapäev, veebruar 11, 2007

1980ndad. The 1980-ies.

Ma tahaks teada, mis ilma ma küll sündisin.
I wish I knew just what kind of world I was born into.
See tähendab, TÄPIPEALT missugusesse ilma, milline oli maailma elu aastal 1981, 25. jaanuaril, pühapäeval kell 6:45. Ma tahaks valida Ajatelefonil täpselt selle momendi ja küsida kommentaare kõigilt vähegi olulistelt jorssidelt, helistada neile täpipealt selsamal hetkel.
I mean, just about EXACTLY what kind of world, in 1981, at 6:45 a, on a sunday, what was the world like. I would like to dial 25.01.1981, 6:45 on the Time Phone. and call every slightly significant bloke in the world, reach them all at that very moment.
Ma küsiks nendelt: "Servus! Kuda kärab? Teadsa, ma just sünnin praegu, tahtsin sinu käest pärida üht-teist, et, nigu, mis teed? Millest sa hetkel mõtled? Mis su plaanid on? Kas sa kolid näiteks Nepaali, või ostad suurema, või Suurema, või SUUREMA auto? Mis saab küll sest ilmaelust? Kas Benny Hill on veel kuum sõna? Kas midagi lahedat saab selga panna? Kas disko annab otsad?
I want to ask them: "Hi there. How´s life? Y´know, I am being born right now, and I wanted to check in on you, like what´s cooking? What you are all thinking at this very moment? what are your plans for the future? are you gonna move to Nepal, or buy a bigger, I mean Bigger, I mean BIGGER car? Where do you think the world is going. Is Benny Hill still popular? How´s fashion, anything sensible to wear? Is disco gonna die?"

Tegelikult tahtsin ma teha vaid põgusa ajarännu 1980ndatesse.
anyway, I wanted to take a little memory trip to the 80ies. 1980ies to be exact.

80ndad. Ma väga palju vist ei mäletagi. Metsaskäigud, mustikad, maod ja sisalikud, kaunis tihti jalga laskmine. Mitte täitsa ära jooksmine, lihtsalt, et saada päevakeseks eemale oma vahikoertest.
the 80ies. don´t remember much....the trips to the forest, blueberries, snakes and lizards.... running oft oft. Not for real, just to spend a day out of sight from anyone....
Tühjad kuramuse poed, arstid ja poemutid kes ainult võõrast keelt rääkisid. Kilomeetrised poesabad (Keda huvitas mis seal müüdi, ehk vetsupaberit, pesu või kohvi).
empty f***ing stores, doctors and shopgals only speaking a strange language. one mile long shop lines ( they didnt care what the shop was selling, sometimes this, sometimes that. toiloet paper, underwear, coffee...)
Peaaegu kogu moos, õigemini juurviljad, tuli oma aiast. Banaani nägin siis, kui olin üheksane. Ja isegi see oli kuramuse tumeroheline.
growing our own vegetables. never saw a banana till I was 9. and even then it was dark green.
Soome oli võlusõna. See oli Välis ja sa ei saanud sinna naljalt, kui polnud just suusataja, estraaditäht, Georg Ots (mees või laev) või minu paps.
the magic word was Finland. Finland was outside those borders and you couldn´t go there unless you were a skier...or a star...or my dad.
Ojaa, ojaa - koor. Kuldaväärt, nad käisid igal pool ja tõid kõike. Justkui meremehed.
Yes the choir, bless them, dog dammit, they could go anywhere and bring anythin, just like sailors.
Soome oli Suur Nätsumaa. Sommid jooksid kabuhirmus Nätsueiolemaa laste eest.
Finland also meant The Great Chewing Gum Land, and their tourists were running scared from the kids of Not Even Bloody Caramels, Not To Mention Chewing Gum - Land.
Soome oli Marju Matikainen. Mina ja mu esimene pinks koolis mängisime keka tunnis soome suusatajaid. Ainult me ei teadnud ühtki naissuusatajat peale Marju Matikaise, ja pinks pidi tingimata tema olema. Kuna mina ei saanud ometigi olla Harri Kirvesniemi, siis mõtlesin ise välja supervinge soome suusataja Helmi Hetikäise. Naerge nüüd kõht ribadeks, põdrakesed.
Finland was Marju Matikainen. Me and my deskmate used to impersonate finnish skiers. We knew no one besides Marju. Since I obviously couldn´t be a male skier, no offence, Harri, so I invented an imaginary, famous finnish skier to compete with Marju. I called that skier Helmi Hetikäinen. Yes, finnish people can laugh their lungs out now.
80ndad. Vinüülplaadid. Onu Remuse jutud. Jänesed, rebased, mäger ja rasv ja till ja kibuvitsapõõsas on mu kodu, mu kindlus kulla vennas! Vinüül. Unelaulud, mustlaslaulud, Beethoveni 5. ja 9., Pipi Pikksukk ja Punamütsike (Ründama - Ründama -Ründ -Ründ -Ründ)
the 80ies. vinyl! uuh, vinyl. gypsy music, bedtime stories from a vinyl, Remus. Rabbits and foxes and badgers and lard and dill and hibisc bush as the shelter, dear brother! vinyl. Beethoven´s 5th and 9th. and Pippi Langstrump and Red Riding Hood.
Mustvalge telekas ja sellele soome blokk, saadud väljaspool järjekorda tuttavate kaudu.
black and white TV and finnish block for that, received out of the line from people we knew.
Ma vaatasin Pikku Kakkost vist rohkem kui Kriimsilma ja Leopoldi. Rölli, Pelle Hermanni, Barbababad, Ressu, Nukku-Matti, Nalle Luppakorva.
I watched finnish children programs more than estonian ones I think.
Ma käisin null klassis, see on ehk miskit eelkooli sarnast. Tihti jäi mul koolivormikleit koju ja ma ekponeerisin oma toredaid sukkpükse.
I went to 0-class. like pre-scool I think? often left my uniform home and sat on my desk in tights.
Rahvapeod olid tol ajal miskit erilist. Praegusel ajal on need ohtlikud, iga hetk või mõni sea moodi jokkis jorss sulle kuklasse sadada. Aga siis olid need kõige vingem asi pärast sügavkülmkappi, mida üks eelkoolitegelane näinud oli.
country parties were actually something fun at that they are dangerous, cause you always have to look out for dead drunk people falling on your back. but back then, they were the raddest thing a pre-schooler had seen....

Ei, põrgusse mine, ma ei nostalgitse ju. Ma püüan end lihtsalt hüpnotiseeruda, natuke loitsida, leida kaheksakümnendate tunnet. Ma tahan rännata ajas. Ma püüan meenutada, kas asjad ikka olid nii nagu nad mul meeles on. Kurat teab.

NO , NO NO i AM NOT BECOMING NOSTALGIC!!!!! I am not that old..... I just want to hypnotize myself, chant a bit, get that 80ies feeling back. I want to time-travel..... I am trying to remember if things really were how I remember them. I am not sure.

Nad tundusid soojad....ehkki napakad ja muutlikud ja mõnikord ohtlikud ja vihaleajavad....aga meile meeldis? Tõesti?
They seemed warm....... although insane and radically changing, and sometimes dangerous and infuriating....we liked them? Did we really?
Sest, ma mõtlen, 4 nädalt varem kinni pandud kaugekõned Kanadasse? Kodutelefon oli vaid unenägu, jah, vahel oli elu nagu koonduslaagris, onju. Meile elamine meeldis. Teatud mõttes. Aga Kanada sugulased tulid, nägid, said hirmsa šoki ja ei kirjutanud-joonistanud enam 7 aastat.
I mean, long distance calls to Canada....booked 4 weeks before? no phones allowed at home, a fucking concentration camp sometimes, right. we liked them. it was life. or something. but relatives from Canada came, saw how we lived got a huge shock and did not write to us for 7 years.

Tegelikult olid 80ndad vähemasti huvitavad, samas kui 90ndad olid tobedad.....Kõik need lollused millest pöördesse minna, eks ole. Ei, 90ndad olid NÕMEDAD!
anyway, 80ies were at least curious, if nothing else. 90ies were sometimes stupid.... all those things to get high about, no, 90ies were IDIOTIC.
Esimest seebikat vaatas 760 000 inimest - mina istusin samal ajal kui sütel. Esimesed lükraga retuusid, mis kõigil jalas olid, armas aeg kui jube vaatepilt. Kõik p.... vahel kinni.
the first soap opera watched by 760 000 people - me being in excruciating pain having to tolerate that crap. first lycra tights, that everyone was wearing, dog dammit, still one of the ugliest sights , stuck between all their...y´know.
90ndad olid täiesti ülehaibitud. Liiga hüperaktiivsed. Liiga palju pudru ja kapsaid.
yes, 90ies were sort of over-hyped, too jumpy and too clueless and too much everything.

Siis oli vist parte rohkem. Ja luiki. Musta nokaga luiki linna suurimas pargis.
there were more ducks. and more swans. black beaked swans in the biggest park of town.
Ainult et mõned tiblasõduritest jorsid lõid luikesid lõbu pärast jalaga ja tõstsid kaelapidi üles.
but the soviet army soldiers, russians, went and kicked and strangled swans for fun.
Ükskord kadriorus uisutades ma hammustasin üht sõdurit. Minust oleks päris edukas Roherahu aktivist saanud, kui ma viiene olin.
I bit a soldier once. I would have made a great Greenpeace activist when I was 5.
Ükskord ma nägin üht bussi alla jäänud nõukasõdurit. Tal oli jalg ära....kõik kohad olid verd täis. Mamps tiris mu minema sealt ja pani käe silmade ette. Ma hakkasin jonnima sest see oli ju kõik nii huvitav. Huvitav, et enda verd ma ei kannata küll siiamaani näha.
Then one time I saw a russian soldier who had been hit by a bus, and lost a leg. Blood was all over the sidewalk. the ambulance came.....then mom pulled my hand and covered my eyes....and I was angry, because it was so interesting to watch. Weird cause I cant stand to see my own blood, never.

Mere äärde peaaegu ei pääsenud. Oli vaid mõni üksik rand kuhu minna tohtis. Ja ka siis vaid mõne suure ettevõtte tuusikuga.
You couldnt get to the seaside, there were a numbered few beaches you could go. Even then with a let from some big company.
omaenda linnas ei võinud mere ääres jalutada. See oli piiritsoon, iga natukese maa tagant tornid ja putkad ja värk.
You couldnt just take a walk by the seaside in your own town. It was a border zone, guarded by tens of watchtowers.
Sama lugu oli osade linnadega. Nagu Paldiski.
some towns were restricted areas too. One was a small one on the North coast where Soviet Army had established a secret nuclear waste dump.
Ükskord me läksime Kloogale seenele, ja eksisime totaalselt ära (ma ei tea, tavaliselt mu mamps kunagi ei eksinud, aga ta kaebas peavalu, ja kes teab mis seal metsas olla võis...
Once our family was in a close-by area picking mushrooms and we got lost, and somehow ended up in the inside of the fence. My mom otherwise never ever got lost, but she complained of a headache, and dog knows what they might have hidden in that forest.
Lõpuks jõudsime seespool Paldiski tsooni piiripunktini, sõdurid muudkui jõllitasid et kust need hullud välja ilmusid. Neil olid automaadid ja värk. Aga nad olid täitsa, isegi viskasid meie korvist paar mürgiseent välja. Ent ma arvan et ilma minuta oleks mu vanemad ilmselt arreteeritud. Ma olin kuuene.
We ended up inside the border zone and reached the road stop, the soldiers looked so stupid, staring at us, coming out of the forest inside the forbidden city border. they had automats....but they were quite nice, even threw some poisonous mushrooms away that we had accidentally picked. I am sure though we were quite close to being arrested. I was 6.

Jäätis ja šokolaad olid ilgelt head muidugi. Mõni asi oli püha, selle pealt ei võinud kokku hoida.
Ice cream and chocolate were much better than now though. Cause some stuff was holy, you couldnt get cheap on it.
mamps ütleb et tõeliselt hea oli jäätis siis kui piima osadeks ei lahtatud et kogu parem mant sealt välja lüpsta.
Mom said ice cream was even better in her childhood, before people started to take all the good stuff away from natural cowmilk and cream.
80ndatel olid vanemate töökohtade jõulupakid lastele ikka megasuured. Ma olen nt saanud 4 kg kommi. Olete kunagi nii suurt pakki saanud? eheee.....
children got huge christmas packages from the parents´ working places, 4 kg of candy. ever got a package that big? I doubt you have....
Jäätist päris igalt poolt ka ei saanud, olid ju jäätiseputkad ja baarid. Jäätist müüdi papptopsis ja söödi puupulgaga või alumiiniumpokaalis ja söödi teelusikaga.
but ice cream wasnt always so easy to get. there were special kiosks and cafeterias where they sold it in cardboard mugs or tin goblets.
Linnas said sa jäätise peale riivitud šokolaadi. Üks tädi köögis käsitsi riivis kuni sai gangreeni ma arvan.
in city ice cream portions were covered with chocolate crumbs or popped rice.
Maal pandi jäätisepokaali kamaluga värskeid metsamarju või aiamaasikaid.
and in the countryside they were sold with chocolate sauce, wild strawberries, raspberries, blueberries.
Jäätise- ja lastekohvikud olid ühed kohad kus tõesti head süüa oli. Kõik tassisid oma pudinad sinna, et mitte joosta läbi 18 toidupoodi ja seista 500 meetristes sabades.
ice cream- and childrens cafeterias were the only places to get really high-quality food though. everyone was taking their children there, so they didnt have to run through 18 shops and stand in 500 m lines to get food for dinner.
Laulupeod olid 80ndatel vist läbi aegade rahvarohkeimad. Me käisime ikka kõigil, kuigi see pole eriti raske ju iga nelja aasta takka.
The singing parties were the hugest ever in the 80ies. we went to all of them, well, they are in every 4 years so it is not a hard task....
Laulupeol võis kahe päeva jooksul käia kokku kuni 800 000 inimest. See ajas mind täiesti pöördesse. Aga vanemad muudkui närveldasid. Śest palju lapsi läks selles rahvasummas kaotsi.
There were up to 800 000 people on singing parties during 2 days....I was thrilled, like all children there, parents were nervous. cause many children got lost there.
Ma kujutlesin tihtipeale, mis tunne oleks ära kaduda. Su nime hüütaks kogu sellele kreplile suurtest valjuhäädlitest kõrgel torni otsas. Oleks vast midagi, juba 3-aastaselt kuulsaks saada, kui 800 000 inimest kuuleb su nime valjuhääldist.
I often imagined how it is getting lost. Your name would be called out from loudspeakers for 800 000 people to hear, that would have been something.
Ma arvan et kaotsiminevad lapsed seda taotlesidki. Ja kaotsis olla on ikka miskit erilist. Nagu üks eriti vinge peitusemäng, või nagu sa oleks king või vihmavari.
thats what the runaway kids were aiming at, I think. I thought it would be pretty neat and exiting to be lost like a shoe or an umbrella.
Sind pandaks ilmselt riiulile ja number külge nagu teistele kadunud asjadele. Ja kui vanemad sulle järgi tulevad, peavad nad kviitungi täitma.
they would put you on a shelf with all other things and then wait till you are picked up. and parents would signa receit for you.
Ma oskasin kõiki laule - mul polnud erilist valikut. Paps ju muudkui kires terve aasta oma toas, "Mingem üüüless määgedelllee, tuule õõõõrna õõõhuleeee..."
I knew all songs. cause my dad was learning those songs all year. practicing at home.

Rongid. Me sõitsime 80ndatel palju rohkem rongiga. Ma võin hakata uuesti rongidest lugu pidama, sest maanteed on liiga mõrvarlikuks kätte läinud.
trains. we used trains to travel a lot more back then. I think I might switch to trains again, cause they are slower, but the highway is a killer.
Rongid haisesid (metsik küüslaugu, suitsu-, kummist kalamehesaabaste, mullaste jurviljade ja aialillede lõhna segu. Ja kevadel oli terve vagun täis maikellukesi, see andis nii kõva laksu et terve pere magas norinal.
trains were smelly ( wild combination of cigarette smoke, garlic, rubber boots that fishermen heading for abandoned dumpsite wore. when we were heading towards town, there was also the smell of vegetables and self-grown garden flowers. and in spring it was lilies-of- the-valley, the whole wagon full of them. sometimes it was such a high, that we all fell into a very psychedelic dream.
Rongisõit oli pikk ja igav. Vaadata kuidas vanemad ajalehte loevad ja seda tõsimeeli põnevaks peavad, oli veel eriti hale ja igav. Ainus asi mida sai teha üks eelkooliealine plkanähvits, kes ei vajanud suitsupause ja kel polnud kedagi sõimata ja kes lugeda ei osanud, vähemalt seda täiskasvanute jama sernooblist ja korbitsonist, oli õppida peatused pähe.
trainride seemed terribly long. the only thing to do for a girl who didnt smoke and couldnt yet read the newspapers or didnt want to yell at anyone, was to learn the stops by heart.
Õppisingi. Ma ei tea, kui mitut ma veel mäletan.
and I did. I dont know how many I remember.

  1. Tallinn- Väike
  2. Liiva
  3. Männiku
  4. Saku
  5. Kasemetsa
  6. Kiisa
  7. Roobuka
  8. Lelle
  9. Kohila
  10. Lohu
  11. Hagudi
  12. Rapla
  13. Keava
  14. Käru
  15. Kolu
  16. Türi
  17. Kärevere
  18. Ollepa
  19. Võhma
  20. Olustvere
  21. Sürgavere
  22. Viljandi
Igatahes. 80ndad. Eriskummaline aeg elamiseks ja olemiseks. Veider kogemus.
anyway. the 80ies. very different time to live, a very different place to be, a very unique experience.
Edasi tuleb ülevaada 80ndatel nähtud filmidest.
next up, the 80ies in movies I saw. one of the most delish subjects, and most memorable.

reede, veebruar 09, 2007

Kas me taas kord ei saa malevat kokku? Sems we can´t call our legions together.

Mis siis, kui nad tõepoolest ründavad?
what if they do strike?
"...valmisolek üleilmseks, regionaalseks ja vajadusel paariks -kolmeks lokaalseks võitluseks...."
"....Readyness for world-wide, regional and a few localized battles...?"
Kas meie oleme see "lokaalne, piiritagune" võitlustanner? Noh, vist küll. Kes siis muu?
are we one of the localized ones? sure, who else.
Mis on neil venelastel mõttes?`Kolmas Ilmasõda, kas tõesti?
what ARE those russians saying? World War Three, really?
Ma ei ütle et ma kardan tõesti et see juhtuks, või et ma iga päev muretseks, ma lihtsalt ütlen et täitsa p***s ikka kui nii juhtuks, sest ma poleks siukses olukorras toimetulija tüüp.
I am not saying I worry or that I am scared, I just say it would be a dog damn calamity, cause I am not a survivor type in such shit.
Venemaaga on tegelt krõska. Jooksevad amokki, vaat mis. Avalik, riiklik paranoia, meeleheide, majanduslik langus, oma rahvustunnet pole millelegi
toetada peale agressiooni kõige "võõra" vastu - maailmavaadete, rahvuste, poliitika, eluviisi vastu....
Russia is in fact finito. Running amock, thats what. Public state paranoia, desperation and economic collapse, nothing to rely on to contain themselves but agression against all "alien" - worldviews, nationalities, policies, lifestyle.....
Ent mis meie siis oleme? Isekus võimutseb. Ma oleks valmis seisma ükskõik mis moel meile oluliste asjade eest. Aga kui teisi toetajaid ei olegi?
but are we any better? individualism kicks in. I would go to the "front" (standing up against verbal or other attacks against estonians) myself....but what if no one comes with me?
Ma tõepoolest näen just sellist scenaariumi, sest selle asemel, et hädasolija seljatagust kaitsta ning talle võimalus anda, asub eestlane tihtipeale rünnatavat ka omelt poolt materdama. Me oleme süüdistajate, kisakõride, ilkujate, haide ja parasiitide poolel, tõukame Isiksusi pidevalt kuristikku.
I very much think it is the case. instead of covering each others backs in case one of us is in trouble, we often take the side of an attacker - in our words and actions anyway, we join the lines of accusers, screamers, laughers, sharks and cockroaches, that eat up a Person.
Kulutame oma jõudu enesekesksuses, mõttetustes
our strenght is scattered in self-centeredness, good-for-nothing-ness.
Istume justkui ruletilaua taga ja teeme nigu roppe panuseid, aga ei võida meie ega võida sellisel juhul ka laud. Sest ei diiler ega mängijad saa aru, et nad on vales lauas ja et nad mängivad ka üldse valet mängu.
Sitting in a roulette table, making obscene bids, but neither we or the table win this time. Cause neither the players nor the dealer realize they are at a wrong table, playing the wrong game.
Ma ei saa toetuda sellistele inimestele. Ma arvan, et nad kaoks siva nelja tuule poole.
I doubt in everyone. I think they would sneak out from a house in fire not even making a noise.
Või ehk mõtlevad ka teised inimesed minust ja kõigist just samamoodi kui mina nüüd? Ehk me lihtsalt ei ole üksteist tundma õppinud. Võibolla mõtlen ma nii ainult isiklikele kogemustele toetudes, kui ma abist ilma jäin? Aga seda on juhtunud liiga palju kordi, et üldse mitte järeldusi teha....
Or maybe they think like me? Maybe we just don´t know each other. Maybe I think so only cause I have personal experience from standing alone in trouble ? But that has happened too many times to ignore.... and the cases have been very different.
Peaks vist rääkima omavahel, välja selgitama, mis meeleolus inimesed on.
we should talk to each other, that´s what. find out what the case is.
tegelikult, sõjalist rünnakut Venemaa poolt, nagu mitmed ühiskonnaelu tegelased välja pakuvad, ma ei usu viimsepäevani. Kuid kas see skisoriik üldse ise ka teab oma järgmist sammu ette?
In reality, I do not believe the possibility of military attack from Russia. But does that Scizophrenic state himself even know what his next step is?
Neil ei ole järjekindlust, edasiviivat tegevuskava. Seal valitseb kaos justnagu tornaado südames.
They have no consistency, no plan of action that would be looking forward, and not back. I think it is a chaos, like inside a tornado.
Meil ei saa olla mingit aimu sellest, kuhu ta mõtleb suunduda, tornaado ju ei mõtlegi! Me ei või teada, mille ta endasse imeb, mille kaasa haarab ja mida, kustpoolt ning millega torpedeerib. SE-GA-NE.
we have no idea where it´s heading, cause they don´t know where it is heading, or what it grabs along or tosses in what direction. C-R-A-Z-Y.

Ainult ühes võib kindel olla: ehkki tornaado hääbub oma kaootilise iseloomu tõttu kähku, jõuab ta enne seda ikka paljude elu p***e keerata.
Of this we can be sure though: although tornado dies out fast due to its chaotic nature, it can fuck up a lot of things before that.
Aga pole põhjust paanikaks. Midagi halba ei juhtu. Ent sellest hoolimata peaksime oma rahvustunnet tugevdama.
No worries, mates. Nothing bad will happen. But we have to strenghten our nation nevertheless.
Pirn hakkab mädanema seestpoolt....Egotsentrilised põmmpead ei jõua kaugele. Ärme siis nendeks muutume, onju?
Pear starts rotting from the inside.... egocentric buttheads don´t go far, remember. Let´s not turn into those.

neljapäev, veebruar 08, 2007

Ma pole Kartmatu. I am no Braveheart.

Võibolla oli mul eile õhtal just elu hirmsaim kogemus. Võibolla, ja SENI hirmsaim.
Maybe I had the most horrendous experience of my life yesterday evening. Maybe, and SO FAR.
Üks sõber (khmmkhmm. lihtsalt sõber, tõepoolest) kutsus mind seansule
A friend ( never mind what kind of friend) invited me to a seance.
See tähendab kinno, kuna oli saanud tasuta pääsmed. Ma pidin minema hoopis teise kohta, aga läksin hoopis temaga kinno siis.
To the cinema that is, having won some free invitations from some internet site. I was originally supposed to be in another place, but decided to go with her to see the movie.
Kuidagi teeme ju iga päev otsuseid, mis tevrele meie päevale ilme annavad.
Somehow we make choices that characterize our whole day at the end.
Tegelikult algas kõik sellest, et ma unustasin kokkusaamise kellaaja ja otsustasin ajavõidu nimel joosta trammile (ning mitte vantsida bussile)
Actually this nightmare started from my decision to run to the streetcar stop, cause I thought I was running late to meet my friend. So I did run....instead of walking to the bus stop....
Istusin siis trammi maha ja vajusin oma mõtetesse nagu ikka.
I took a seat and fell into my daydreams as always.
Ühes peatuses istus, või õigemini öelda, kukkus, minu kõrvale haisev tegelane, kes küsis (vene keeles) kella.
At one stop, there was this smelly character who sat, or, truthfully said, fell, on the seat next to me and asked what time it is (in russian).
ma näitasin talle kella. Kuid järsku hakkas ta veidralt irvitama, öeldes eesti keeles "Ma olen narkar! Ma olen narkar!" ja pani tühja määrdunud süstlakesta otsaga vastu mu kintsu.
I showed my watch. But suddenly he grinned like a maniac, saying in estonian: "I am a junkie! I am a junkie!" and pressed a used, filthy syringe shell against my thigh.
Ma ei suuda kirjeldada kuidas ma ehmatasin, ei, ehmatasin KANGEKS.
I cant even begin to describe how I startled, no - I was paralyzed with fear.
Ma pole selle tähendust enne vist teadnudki.
I think I never knew before what "paralyzed with fear" meant.
See narkar irvitas mu üle, ütles, "Ära karda, ma olen narkar, ära karda!" Siis tõusis ta püsti ja hakkas justkui trammi teise otsa minema (see oli järgmises peatuses), aga kui tramm edasi sõitis, käis minust veel umbes 6 -7 korda mööda, vehkides süstakestade ja ka süstadega.
That junkie was laughing at me, saying "Don´t be afraid, i am a junkie! Don´t be afraid!". Then he got up and it seemed he was heading for the other end of streetcar ( it was the next stop then), but when the streetcar took off he walked past me another 7 times to threaten with syringe shells and actual syringes.
Ma karjusin ta peale: "Käi minema, käi minema" ja hüüdsin ka "Tulge appi", aga keegi ei mõelnudki mind aidata, kasvõi näiteks narkarit eemale tõugata et ma oma toolist välja pääseks - sest ta passis seal ja ma olin lõksus.
I yelled at him: "Get the f*** away from me!" and also yelled for help, but no one was gonna move to help me, even as much as to be able to escape from my chair - because he was lurking there around it and I was trapped.
Ta väljus ülejärgmises peatuses. Kuid kogu ülejäänud tee nööris mind mõte et kas see süstal...ja kui järsku...ja ta ju istus mu vastas...ja ehk peaks politsei...kuid ma ei kutsunud politseid, sest sellise hirmuga, mida seal tundsin, ei suutnud ma õieti ta välimustki meelde jätta.
He got out in the second stop after getting in. But the rest of the way I was bound by the thought that what if the syringe...and maybe I got.....and he sat next to...and perhaps I should call police.... But I did not call the police, because the fear I had felt had prevented me from even remembering the junkie´s looks.
Ning mis kasu sest oleks - ehkki narkarid tuleks kõik panna luku taha või hävitada, ei ole narkootikumide tarvitamine iseenesest kuritegu ka siis kui narkar kellelgi kallale tungib.
And what good would it do - although junkies should all be either locked up or destroyed, using drugs is not seen as a crime even when the junkie attacks somebody.
Seetõttu on ülioluline et inimesed - TEHKE HÄÄLT! Sekkuge! Visake see narkar sõidukist välja! Sest ohver, antud juhul mina, ei pruugi soki ja ettevaatuse tõttu suuta seda teha.
For that reason it is essential that people would RAISE THEIR VOICE! INTERFERE! Throw them out of the vehicle! Cause the victim, in this case me, might not be capable of doing anything more than yell because of shock and precaution.
Mu kinoõhtu polnud just meeldiv. Kõigepealt seisin väljas jubeda pakase käes, sest teatud viirused ju hävivad - 10 kraadi juures.
My movie night was nothing pleasent. At first I stood out there in freezing cold, they say certain viruses die in -10 celsius.
Siis läksin kino vetsu ja nühkisin kõik oma riided pabersalvrättidega üle (kuigi see tuletas mulle meelde lühifilmi Zen Läbi Prügi" aga mis teha...)
Then I went to the cinema toilet and scrubbed my clothes with paper napkins (though it reminded me of a short film called "Zen through garbage", but I had no choice...)
Kogu filmi aja istusin nagu sütel. Hea veel et nutma ei hakanud, kuigi filmi iseloom oleks seda ehk võimaldanudki ("Õnne otsinguil"). Ma pole kunagi leidnud et pillimisest midagi kasu oleks, kõige parem vahend oma ängi väljaelamiseks on ikka akende sisselöömine. seda ma ka kinos teha ei saa....
Throughout the whole movie I was sitting there like on fire. It is a good thing I didnt start crying, although the particular movie (Pursuit of Happyness) would even had helped me explain it... But I never found any good in sheding tears, the best way to get the angst out is still breaking windows. which is also impossible in a cinema...
Ma pääsesin veel kergelt. Või kas pääsesin? Eks näis, kas ma julgen veel kunagi trammiga sõita.
I got away easy, still. Or did I? We will see - perhaps I never dare to ride a streetcar again.

Ja reisusihiks oli meile Rotermann

My felted thingies on a freaky fashion show

Bubbles, Ethical Estonian Souvenir/Design Gallery Tallinn

Personality test ( the color test) Redfox took the free personality test!

""Feels that nothing can upset her or phase her and..."

Click here to read the rest of the results.