neljapäev, märts 29, 2007

Cartoons. Multikad.

ja vaadake multikaid, kuniks ma tagasi tulen, sest mul pole eriti aega siin käia.
watch the cartoons till I get back.
Cruel Animation about a penguin who gets his head cut off.
Julm animatsioon pingviinist kelle pea lõigatakse hüppenööriga ära.
Masohhistlik kloun. The masochist clown.

cow attacks. Lehm ründab.
Lenda tuvitiivul. Fly on the wings of dove.

ma hakkan aeg-ajalt postitama lõike kus ma olen esinenud kellegi unenäos.

I shall post the section of "Me in someones dream" occasionally.
Nüüd olin ma olnud ühe böörtonlase unenäos, müüsin talle väidetavalt kanepit, misjärel me läksime lõbustusparki ja kohtasime seal veel üht böörtonlast, kes ütles et ta on väga kurb; seepeale andsime talle ka kanepit.
Most recently I was in a burtonites dream selling her pot, after which we went to amusement park where we met another burtonite, who claimed being really sad. We got him high on pot too.
Ma ei usu et see tegelikult kanep oli, mul on ju kombeks inimestele puru silma ajada mis puutud asjade autentsust.
I dont really believe it was pot, I play hoax in business way too often.
Nad said tünga.
They got punk´d.

ahsoo muide, mul on essee jaoks idee olemas. Oi pagan, ma saan veel peksa selle eest. Ütleme et panen enda eest rääkima ühe praeguse aja meediakangelase.....
Oh yeah, I have an idea for the essay now. Damn, I´ll get beaten up for this yet. Let´s just say I have a local celebrity talking for me in the story.

ja miks on siin nii et mida lühema jutu sa tahad kirjutada seda pikem rodu tähti tuleb seal all sisse lüüa?
and why is it so that the shorter the story you want to write here the longer this word verification row gets?

esmaspäev, märts 19, 2007

Ratsuritäht paneb dopingut. Houseplant on steroids.

Kas taimede kulturismivõistlusi ka peetakse?
Is there a body-building Championship for plants?
Ma vaatan ka, et enamik taimi mul kodus on mürgised.
I realized most of the houseplants at my apartement are poisonous.
Kas see mõjub ka läbi õhu huvitav?
Dooes it have any impact through the air also?
Ma istun mürgipilves.
Sitting in a cloud of poisonous air.

reede, märts 16, 2007

tikitud muhk. ehk muhu muster.

saaks need päris lillede pildid ka ometi alla laetud.
If I could just download pictures of the REAL flowers also.

teisipäev, märts 13, 2007

Viimne testament hallis linnas. Vabandust, ma ei viitsi kahes keeles esialgu. tuleb inglise.

Hästi, ma seletan natuke lähemalt, mis ma selle segase meelespeaga mõtlesin.
Allright, I´ll explain a little better, what I was aiming at with that crazy note.
Me and my mother had long planned a trip to Tartu, to visit my granduncle with his wife and sort-of-grandaunt with her daughter. The planning took so long, that we didn´t even dare to call in front, in fear that at least the grandaunt might be insulted in some way for having to wait for our visit so long. We had a bag full of presents - slippers, scarf, chocolate, a bottle of wine, a bottle of heart drops, bath salt, herbal tea and some more stuff that mom didnt want to show me for some reason.
I don´t know why, but somehow, from the moment we took our seats in the bus, this visit seemed somehow...terminal. It was an overall gray day. The bus was so hot I thought this trip really is very me. I was almost choking there all the way, the only times I felt all fresh and nice were when we past a poison green field that almost killed my eyes with its unnatural colour. there was a huge contrast between the desert air in the bus and that freshly glowing field.
There is always something happening at the circle surrounding Tartu. this time they were building some sort of a bridge, but I saw no river. Weirdos.....wait, the river is about a hundred meters to the left. I guess they...moved it?
And they had established a hiking route called The Rabbit Path. Heheh, their mayor is called Rabbit Wave. See? See what a weird place this is where i went?
I have always felt sort of spooky about a lot of thing when going to Tartu. The old Anatomical theatre, and right across the street a little up hill the puppet museum. Porcelain and hearts in a bottle. A strange question arouse in my mind: do they ever put those things together...... You walk around in the museum and don´t even know that old doll has an actual lung inside. That is why they talk, maybe?
What they have done with the center is awful, of course. I am not talking about the fact that every time I come here I end up in a big pile of mud and dogshit. And that there doesnt ever seem to be a sunny day in Tartu for me. It was grayer than on the road, as if that gray everywhere else had leaked from this very place. The invisible cell, that holds it inside....probably comes from that gray colosseum they´ve built. that thing is just way too huge for such an introverted town. Why, in dogs name? even a thousand hearts in a bottle wont give this thing a soul.

we tried to cross the road, which is made pretty impossible. There are several market buildings here, and you have to crawl over ponds of mud to get to them. It wasnt nice. What people do to please their relatives who have real estate.... we bought grapes and different cakes. And flowers.

First we went to see the granduncle. I have been there before, even stayed the night once, but this time it was different. When we arrived, auntie L. was scolding uncle A. for forgetting the cauliflower at the supermarket and taring a hole in his pocket. From the very first moment they seemed sort of sad. L. was a bit sick, she had in mind to got to town with us, but she coughed and looked all worn out. she is 75.
A. is always an amusing guy to talk to. He is very opinionated, especially about history of wars and politics of the moment, and there is no point arguing. It´ll never end. After a little meal we talked - oh, dog, about 4 hours straight, I think. but it didnt feel pleasent. L. and A. have sold their house - nice house in a suburb near Tallinn, built in the 60ies, with mostly A. own hands. L. was not nostalgic, she almost didnt want to bring it back, but she talked about it anyway. how the young family they sold it to had torn down the chimney - the most perfectly working chimney I have seen! most cases you almost kill youself trying to get the fire started, but I remember A.- s chimney worked ina millisecond. it is gone now, and I just cant express how stupid those people are in my mind. what is the house worth without its heart?
the garden had been wiped clean too the last time L. took a trip there. A. doesnt want to go there at all. He says he would get too angry and sad. The greenhouses were gone, they had grown some enourmous tomatoes even in the shadow of trees. Good greenhouses. Flowerbeds, the hedge that protected the house and garden from exhaust fumes, apple trees - all gone. L. didnt want to talk about that anymore. A. said seeing your life work and memories so ruthelessly wiped off one only hopes he doesnt have many years.
Now we talked of other things, animals, nature, the future of the country and language, we estonians like to smart out occasionally and get really philosophical. But maybe it is only because everyday life and simple things, they are just so damn hard. Getting old... I am watching people around me, they are so worried about getting that old. it hasn´t been made easy to manage.

we went back to the marketplace and bought another cake for grandaunt II, and then I went into The Colosseum to buy yarn. There was jazz playing in the mall and I couldnt help to think that the musicians, when doing gigs ordered buy malls and shopping centers, arent much more than salespersons. it has become so plain, hiring someone to entertain the crazy crowd during whole sales or campaigns. soon we´ll be able toBUY musicians from a shopping center.

grandaunt II had been waiting and waiting on the window for us to arrive. She has aching feet, they are always swallen and wrapped in some smelly stew she ridiculously hopes helps with it. I am surprised she hasn´t got gangrene yet. But because of that, shehas barely left the apartement for those two years she has lived there. her daughter does the shopping and other things. grandaunt only goes to doctors appointments and for that she calls a taxi.
they used to live in Viljandi, in a beutyful wooden house. Their neghbour was a naivist painter who became known after a documentary by Mark Soosaar (Sunday Painters). I remember him, tall, corpulent guy in a dirty worksuit, bead all oily. they shared a was a romantic house and a romantic kind of neighbour. But when they sold their apartement, it wasnt even worth enough to cover the moving expenses to Tartu. cousin S. took a loan, asking my mom to back it up. so thats why I didnt get that new computer..... there went my 25 000. Never mind. Anyway, it is a lot easier for aunt II to live in an apartement where she doesnt have to chop wood and warm the water on a stove and take care of the garden and do a million other stuff. unlike A. and L. she doesnt regret a thing. She is far from being nostalgic for Viljandi. I would even say she hated the place. but then, she didnt build the house herself either.
grandaunt II is the kind of person who goes through all the old scandals and gossip and relatives she is crossed with every single time you meet her, over and over. I have always become rather impaient by the time I have listened to her for 2 hours. this time I surprised myself. I actually wanted to hear what she had to say. I felt like i had to. she was saying how everything satrted going wrong when J., my grandfather died. relatives turned against each other, property rights were lost, documents hidden. not to mention my granny going crazy and shutting herself out from the world. when grandaunt II- s housband died very suddenly in 1988, it became even worse. there were rumors the guy had hidden money somewhere in the apartement. or maybe his birth home....some relatives found out and came to scare grandaunt II and her daughter. They said her housband owed them money. The even lit her woodshed on fire and poored ashes in her flowerbed. they terrorised her a lot. I dont know if I should be telling this, cause it seemed....well, she was talking as if she wanted to rehearse for a last will and testimony. it wasnt like a goodbye yet, but it was a scetch for it. but I am trying to bring it to you what is the life of old people in today´s world, well this corner of the Earth. and I think it is essential. there is no point in telling anything else to make you picture it.
anyway, the birth home of her housband was seccretly sold by some double-crossing relatives. they even cheated out a part of the family burial ground. anything they got their hands on. now the ancestors are gonna lay next to a perfect stranger. hope they at least get introduced in the Afterlife Pub....,
she kept insuring us she still has friends though. some that call her, some that send a christmas card every year. but that´s it. she is still lucky I think, I dont know what would have happened if her daughter wasn´t there. She is not a bad person, despite the fact she talks too much and always forces people to eat like animals although they can barely take another bite. she is my moms godmother.
somehow I have been left out of many things concerning The Family. especially my mothers side. It is like I dont belong into their life, it is like I have no family and I am just a visitor. It was the first time I heard a lot of things, and some of them I cant tell you.... It is becoming the old folks´ fairwell and somehow my initiation into the Family. I have realized there are not many relatives that I even know. certainly not the younger generation. Will I even get christmas cards when I reach their age? No one even cares enough to terrorize me. I have never listened, I havent had the patience or haven´t been worthy. but those stories aren´t just smalltalk it is someone´s life.
me and mom decided to buy a video camera and go on a trip though her childhood lands and take granduncle A. and aunt L. and grandaunt II and my granny and many others along. maybe next summer...I think, definately at least next summer. so that I at least have one story on tape to remember and feel I have something to be a part of. I´ll try to catch up, before they are all gone.

pühapäev, märts 11, 2007

ainult meelespeaks: just for a reminder

Mis ma hiljem kirjutama pean
of what I need to write later
palav, hing kinni, hakkan segi minema, läbi udu kurjad linnud
hothothot, cant breathe, losin´it, angry birds through the fog.
sild aga jõge mitte
a bridge but no river
Jänes Laine, lüliti, poortselannukud ja anatoomikum, tuksuv süda lelu sees?
rabbit wave, trigger in a madhouse, porcelain dolls and a morgue, beating heart inside a dummy?
maja jäi tallinna, noored lõhkusid elutöö ära ja tegid aia lagedaks
the house stayed behind young tenants destroyed life work and wiped out the garden
valutavad jalad, terve suguvõsa paranoiad
aching feet the paranoyas of the whole family
ta rääkis veel millestki.....jah, naine kahe endise mehega, üks elab pööningul teine garaažis, jobu ja joodik, aga hea joodik, tegi katuse korda.....hea süda aga hull
she talked of something else....yes, a lady with two ex housbands one on the attick, one in the garage, one is jerk, one is a drunk, but a kind drunk, good heart, fixed the roof. crazy.
kui J. suri, hakkas kogu suguvõsal halvasti minema.
after J. died whole family ( as in closest relatives) started doing bad. couldnt hold it together.

neljapäev, märts 08, 2007

Essee. jälle. miks ma üldse vaevun? An essay. Another. Why do I even bother?

NII raske.
SO extremely difficult.
Oleks veel, et mingi muu teema, aga üleüldisel Eesti teemal olen ma juba kaks korda kirjutanud.
If only it were some other subject, but I have already written twice on the general Estonia-theme.
Esimesse paningi parimad mõtted ja võrdlused ära. See oli üldse parim essee mida ma eales kirjutanud olen.
My best thoughts and comparisons all found there place in the first essay. That´s actually THE best thing I have managed to write.
Ja mis nüüd? Mul pole enam eriti palju öelda. Aga äkki ikka on?
And now what? Have I got anything left to say- have I really?
Mul on tunne et ma sean endale liigseid piiranguid. Või mõtlen liiga palju auhinnale.
I have a feeling I set too many limits to myself - or have my mind circleing around the prize money, maybe. Põrgusse see 3-5 lehekülge, esialgu tulgu või 250.
To hell with the three to five page limit. Let it be 250 if it must, at first.
Põrgusse positiivne noot. Viimase aja kogemused on lihtsalt nii karmid, et ei saa head nägu teha.
To hell with the positivity. The experience of late is so rough I can´t pretend everything is fine.
Põrgusse laiem vaatenurk. Nad peavad ju aru saama, et mõne inimese Eesti ongi vaid vaade aknast porisele tänavale.
To hell with a wider point of view. They have to realize some peoples Estonia really is a narrow view onto a muddy street.
Põrgusse suur poliitika. Reaalses elus on üks tüütu pisiasi teise otsa.
To hell with the great politics. In real life it is just one minor trouble after another.
Põrgusse viisakus ja korralik eesti keel. Võibolla mahlakas äraspidine kõnepruuk ütleb palju enam.
to hell with politeness, a decent use of language. Maybe a juicy slang will say more.
jah, rääkida on sellest ju lihtne. aga vot, mis ja kas tast välja tuleb?
Yes, it is easy to plan like this, but how will it turn out?

laupäev, märts 03, 2007

Jooksen poliitnänni järel kuni võimalik. Running after election-goodies till possible.

TEGELIKULT läksin ma lõnga ostma.
TRULY, I was just out in town buying yarn.
Ma ei ostnud seda küll eriti palju, aga ega mul raha ka palju ei ole. Hmm, ja mis seal siis imestada, et mind tõmbas mingil määral ka tasuta kontserti kuulama (teadagi)......
Didn´t buy much, but then again, I never have any money. And is it any wonder in these circumstances I also yearned for a free concert?
Jah, see oli mingi valimisüritus. Aga kelle oma, see sai päris kindlalt selgeks alles uudistes. Nii et mind ei saa küll süüdistada propaganda lõksu langemises.
Yes, indeed, it was some sort of election thing. But whose election thing did not become clear to me until watching the news late at night, so you cannot blame me of falling into the trap of political propaganda.
Küll aga ehk Propa lõksu, sest esiteks - Volkil on ikka fenomenaalne mörin ja teiseks, esinenud punksugemetega puntidest on Propa ....noh, eeh, öelda pungi kohta professionaalne, aga tegelikult see on ikka vist rohkem rokk. Ja väga väga võimas.
I did fall into the trap of Propeller, a band. First of all - Peeter Volkonski has a phenomenal grown. Secondly, from all those band that performed this afternoon, Propa is, well, how can I say pros when they´re punk? But they are more, like, rock anyhow. And dog all mighty how rocking.
Jummala eest, ja Tuksam oli kohe raudselt švipsis mis švipsis. Muidugi kui tarvastu kandi kaunist Kodu Tunnustähtede laulust kujunes mingi ülilühike 78 % ulatuses improvisatsiooniline jorin koos kelmika itsitamisega, siis mulle hakkas tunduma et ka Johanson...aga ei, ma siiski usun seda va palavikuvärki. Ehkki - on ta päris kindel, et tema keha pole selle juuksekuhila all lihtsalt alalises ülekuumenemise seisundis?
And for pity´s sake, Jake was intoxicated, that´s for sure. Of course, hearing the beautyful song about the signs of home which I very well knew turn into some sort of improvisational grown accompanied by a wicked giggle I though E Tu, Johanson....but, still, I DO believe you had a fever. Especially concidering the amount of excess hair you wear on your head - no wander you get overheated.

ahjaa, mu mamps sai mingi õhupalli (kuna minul olid käes karukäpikud, siis läks minu pall kohe lendu, hea veel, et tegu polnud 80 000 kroonise dirižaabliga. ). No mis sest paganama pallist, me ajasime tegelikult taga hoopis Sotsmoosi ja reformsokke. Aga no seegi asi. Nalja sai vähemasti kodus, kui kass ei saanud aru, miks kõik asjad kukuvad alla, aga mingi asi hoopis lendab lakke.
Oh yeah, my mom, who was also there, got some sort of a balloon (I was wearing real thick bear-mittens, hence letting go of the balloon that I was handed almost immediately) The heck with the balloon, actually we were after jelly and free socks, but better that than empty handed. plus, we got a good laugh out of it at home, cause the cat did not understand why all things usually fall DOWN, but now something flies up in the air.
Ja tänu sellele õhupallile otsustas kass valima minna.....
And thanks to this balloon my cat is going to vote tomorrow !!!!

reede, märts 02, 2007

Avita mo´l kambrit kraami, mo´l on jõrmus seläkipu.

someone help me clean my apartement please, I have intolerable backache!
Ja lumi on kõik ära sulanud.
And the snow has all melted.
Teisest küljest ei ole halba heata. Poleks eila käinud pilte tegemas (seebikarbiga, mitte digiga, film oli vaja täis saada), ei oleks mul seljavalu, aga lund ka ju poleks.
On the other hand some good comes out of the bad. Had I not taken the winter pictures yesterday (with a regular soap box, not digital; had to fill my film) I´d have no packache but no snow either.

Ja reisusihiks oli meile Rotermann

My felted thingies on a freaky fashion show

Bubbles, Ethical Estonian Souvenir/Design Gallery Tallinn

Personality test ( the color test) Redfox took the free personality test!

""Feels that nothing can upset her or phase her and..."

Click here to read the rest of the results.