teisipäev, detsember 30, 2008

Why I LOVE depression. Ehk miks on hea, kui hambad plagisevad.

Kujuta ette, et sul on ahjuküttega korter. Võibolla et ongi, seda parem. Kui sul on ahjus tuli, siis on toas hea soe, ja saad selja toetada vastu ja on siuke mõnusalt kõrvetav, peaaegu valus hakkab, aga ei taha eemale ka tõmbuda.
Imagine that you have a furnace- heated apartment. Perhaps you do have it, even better. When there is a fire in the hearth then the room is warm, even hot, and when you lean against the chimney you feel this slightly burning, stingy heat, but you dont want to pull away from it.
Aga kui kogu aeg on ahjus tuli, siis see tähendab, et sul peab kogu aeg olema piisavalt puid ja sa pead iga natukese aja tagant mõne halu jälle ahju pistma, ja siis on juba selline tunne, et kui sa uuesti ahju ukse avad siis see leekide kuumus teeb su uimaseks ja sa ei viitsi enam.
But if there is a fire in the hearth ALL THE TIME it means you need to have enough firewood and you must keep close and stay at home to throw a log in the ovenevery once in a while, and then soon you will feel that opening that oven door is tiring and makes you a little dizzy and sleepy and blurs your head.
Aga kui siis pikemaks kodust ära minna, minna nii kauaks, et ahi ikka täitsa maha jahtub ja toas juba väheke niiskeks läheb, nii et kui sa tagasi tuled siis on tuba päris külm ja sa oled esialgu jopega, onju.... siis on hoopis teine tunne ahju tuld teha. See on siis kohe eriline nauding. Sa tunned et teed midagi olulist. Ja siis läheb tasapisi soojemaks nii et saab märjad sokid üles riputada ja isegi kampsuni varsti seljast ära võtta.
But let´s say you leave the house for a longer period of time, long enough for the hearth to cool down completely, and for the room to go cold and even a little damp, so that when you come back you wont immediately take off your coat.....then making a fire has a completely different meaning. It is a real pleasure to start making a fire, there is this expectation and hope.... You´ll feel you are doing something really, really important.Then it satrts getting warmer and warmer little by little, in about an hour you can already hang out your wet woolen socks to dry upon the oven and even take off your sweater.
Depressiooniga on sama lugu. See pole ju iseenesest midagi muud kui ülim mitterahulolu. Justnagu tuba oleks külm ja niiske ja ahjus pole pikalt tuld olnud ja lõõrid üldse ei tõmba. Aga see on vajalik, sest see paneb asju tahtma. See tekitab tunde, et tuleb midagi ette võtta, midagi muuta, tuleb nüüd minna puid lõhkuma ja teha tuli üles, tuleb liigutada ennast.
It is the same thing with feeling down, depressed, unmotivated. It is nothing more than an ultimate dissatisfaction with the situation that you are in at that particular moment. Just like when there is really cold inyour room and the chimney is stuck and you can´t seem to get the fire starting. That is such a necessety cause it makes you want things, makes you yearn for a change, makes you go outside, chop wood, make a fire, get a move on.
Sellepärast ei pea väikese masenduse ja deprekaga üldse mitte võitlema. Las olla. Las läheb kohe täitsa külmaks. Las olla kohe tunda, kuidas seest juba torgib ja kisub ja et ikka on külm ükskõik kui palju kampsuneid sa ka selga ei topi. Rutiin on palju hullem. Isegi rutiin positiivses mõttes, et kogu aeg on normaalne ja midagi pole nagu otseselt ebameeldivat, ja ei ole erilist põhjust midagi muuta.
That is why when you are feeling depressed you don´t need to feel alarmed and seek help against it. Just let it be, just bare with it. Let yourself feel really cold. Let yourself feel all stingy and uncomfortable and so cold that no matter how many sweaters you put on it wont help the least bit. It is worse staying in routine, even if it is routine in a positive sense - feeling rather ok and normal all the time and not sensing anything concretely unpleasent and no particular reason to change something.

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""Feels that nothing can upset her or phase her and..."

Click here to read the rest of the results.

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